


one household, all alike in strangeness

by lamphouse



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Era, Canon Typical Shenanigans, Domestic Fluff, Found Family, Gen, M/M, Post-Canon, Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-05-25 05:44:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14970347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamphouse/pseuds/lamphouse
Summary: Taako and Angus get up to some crazy shit on the regular. Kravitz is pretty sure this isn't normal, but who is he to argue.Or, five times Kravitz had a "damn bitch, you live like this?" moment and one time he was that very bitch.





	one household, all alike in strangeness

**I.**

The first time Kravitz properly meets him, Angus McDonald, world's greatest detective, is standing on the world's most precarious pile of books, chairs, and other assorted objects.

"Just a sec, babe," Taako says when Kravitz appears in the doorway for their third (or fourth, depending on which of them you ask) date. Taako is all dressed up and ready to go, but stays standing against the wall near the light switch. "Gotta finish the chores and then I'll get to you."

Angus (Kravitz assumes—there's no other eleven year old Taako would be hanging out with) waves the hand that is holding a feather duster in Kravitz's direction and says, "Hello sir! You must be—"

"Focus, Agnes," Taako interrupts. "Okay, blast off in three, two, one..."

Taako flips the switch as Angus starts spraying something above his head, parallel to the ceiling. The fan whirs on, dangerously close to Angus's out-stretched arm, and sucks up the spray before spinning it out across the living room. Kravitz feels the cool, slightly perfumey taste of it hit his face as Angus and Taako start cheering.

"Hell yeah, little man! Gimme five."

Angus tries to reach down as Taako stands on tiptoe, both of them realizing about the same time that this is an unsuitably precarious situation for high fives. Angus is looking around at the base of his tower for a suitable extraction plan when Taako sighs and casts feather fall on him. Once Angus is within reach, Taako pulls him down by the ankle until his feet touch the sofa, Angus giggling the whole way.

"I told you it would work," Taako says as they high five, almost eye to eye.

"I never doubted you, sir," Angus replies, "just the efficacy of getting me up there."

Taako rolls his eyes but concedes. "Yeah, alright, next time we'll get Mags to do it. Or, like, a ladder."

Kravitz is still standing awkwardly at the peripheral of this conversation when Taako takes pity on him and waves him over.

"Angus, I'd like you to meet—" Taako pauses. "Well, not like, per say, but anyway, this is Kravitz. We're boning."

"Taako—"

"Get it, cuz you're a skeleton?"

Despite (or more likely because of) Kravitz's discomfort, Taako is clearly having a blast, and even Angus is giggling behind his hand. There's still a nervous edge underneath all of Taako's schadenfreude glee and it doesn't take a lot of thinking to realize that Taako just really wants this to go well.

"It's nice to meet you, sir!" Angus holds out his hand towards Kravitz. "Taako has told me so much about you!"

"He has?"

Kravitz is hesitant at first, then surprised, as Angus's handshake is surprisingly strong. Kravitz has absolutely no idea what to make of this kid, but despite the ridiculous scenario in which he had been introduced, Angus seems like possibly the most mature of those gathered here, in the room or on the entire base.

"No, not at all!" Angus is saying when Kravitz overcomes his surprise. "But I'm the world's greatest detective, so I picked up on a few things."

"Not the world's greatest helper, though," Taako says before picking Angus up, ignoring his indignant yelp, and setting him back on the floor. "Alright, munchkin, back to the kitchen, and make sure you remember to get the top of the cabinets."

"Should I get the stilts?" Angus asks, and before Kravitz can ask why the hell they just have stilts on hand, Taako waves a hand.

"Nah," he says, "two of the stools on top of each other should be enough. Just like Maggie showed you, yeah?"

Suddenly Kravitz is surprised they hadn't all died more times than they have already. Also, he has the urge to call child services. All of that is dispelled the second Taako drags him out of the room by the elbow to the rest of their evening, though, all thoughts of weirdly normal antics dismissed in their wake.

**II.**

It's a whole new world, and Kravitz knows it's going to be some adjusting, spending most of his time back in the world of the living after so long out of it, but he didn't think he had been dead  _that_ long. Maybe it's the fact that Taako is kind of an alien, or that he's an eccentric person in general, but a lot of what he does is just plain weird. For example, Kravitz is pretty sure most people don't insist on burying their out of season clothes in plastic bags in the yard.

"So the moths don't get to them," Taako says, brushing the dirt off his gloves. "Duh."

Angus, standing in the hole in the middle of the garden, nods up at Kravitz. He's wearing a pair of deep purple overalls and gloves that match Taako's, but there's miraculously not a spot of dirt on him.

"I thought it was strange too, at first," Angus says as he goes back to tossing shovels of dirt out of the pit, "but the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense."

His shovelfuls don't quite make it all the way out of the pit and in fact keep landing sprays of dirt on him and mostly Taako, but he certainly looks like he's having fun.

Kravitz kneels to look over the edge of the pit and hears the crinkle of paper. Underneath one of his knees is a carefully weighed down blueprint for what looks like a just a small cellar. There are notes in both Angus's careful writing and Taako's "this isn't an autograph so what's the point" spiky scrawl across the entire thing. In one corner, there's even a sketched proposal for an underground tunnel system connecting to the house, though it doesn't appear to have been signed off by either of them.

"We have a basement..." Kravitz tries to say, but they're back to debating whether the sweaters should go next to the scarves or the long sleeve shirts.

 

"Full of Starblaster shit," Taako says. Kravitz opens his mouth but Taako continues, "Attic too. Toss me that broom, babe?"

Kravitz does, and Taako passes it on to Angus, who starts brushing the loose dirt off the hard packed earth they've designated as their floor and up against the walls. He watches for a minute longer, feeling like maybe they're right and he's the one who doesn't get it, but then the thought occurs to him.

"How are you going to dig them up again in the winter?"

No one answers him.

**III.**

Taako, unable to convince Angus to come to his "way more dangerous and thus was cooler" school, has at least deigned to have Angus over as frequently as possible. Every weekend, every holiday, Angus is there, and despite the fact that he always makes sure to mention that he doesn't want to be a burden and Magnus has been asking him to visit for a while, he's on their doorstep at every opportunity.

If he didn't know any better, Kravitz would say it's obvious how much Taako cares about the boy. As it is he only thinks it, knowing that Taako will only loudly protest and it would be a waste to spend the entire weekend with Taako giving them both the cold shoulder. It's not only that Taako feels some large degree of protective for the boy, but they're incredibly suited for each other in the oddest ways too. Kravitz can no longer count on one hand how many times he's walked into the house to see some ridiculous off-the-wall experiment taking place. It's sweet—Taako seems uniquely able to coax out the childish enthusiasm that Angus often keeps under wraps, and the two seem matched in their ability to take things to their extremes.

That being said, there are some things he can't just write off as Taako and Angus being Taako and Angus.

"That's it, get on the table!"

"Fine!"

It's not unusual for Kravitz to walk into a house full of shouting at the end of the day. Usually it's good shouting, anywhere from Taako, Magnus, and Merle getting a little too into a battle wagon race to the distressed but at the same time exhilarated yelling when something catches fire during one of Angus's cooking lessons. He isn't quite sure what to do with _this_  angry kind of shouting, though, as he follows the noise into the living room.

Angus is standing on the coffee table with a strainer on his head, a pot lid in one hand and a comically large wooden spoon in the other. The sofa is covered with presumably clean laundry and Taako stands between it and Angus, the table having been pushed to the other end of the room. Before Kravitz can ask what's going on, he gets his answer.

"You suck," Taako says in a deadpan voice as he starts throwing balled up socks at Angus. "Do your chores."

Angus deflects a few of the sock balls with his sword and shield, but one of them hits the side of his head as he ducks, threatening to knock off his helmet. "Watch the glasses!"

Taako keeps throwing the socks, occasionally booing, and when he runs out of ammunition and goes to collect those he has already thrown, Angus waits patiently on top of the table. It's oddly ceremonial, and what finally lets Kravitz regain the ability to speak.

"What the hell is going on?"

Kravitz isn't quite sure what exactly he was expecting, but it wasn't the twin looks of confusion he now gets.

"What?" Angus straightens his strainer hat from where it's slip in his turning.

"It's punishment time," Taako says, the _duh_  implied, without turning from his task. "Ango didn't fold the laundry like he was supposed to—"

"I had homework to finish!" Angus interrupts, and when Taako throws a sock ball at him in retaliation he catches it with a Mage Hand.

"Hey!" Taako throws more socks. "No magic allowed! You know the rules!"

Angus scoops up an armful of socks from at his feet and starts throwing them back, earning a squawk of indignation from Taako.

The sock fight quickly gains momentum, spanning the entire living room as Taako takes cover behind an arm chair and Angus climbs onto the back of the couch. The living room becomes a literal war zone. Other balled up items of clothing are soon recruited (although they both carefully avoid each other's favorite shirts) and the shouting becomes more personal, mostly with some jabs at Angus's height and Taako's terrible aim.

It isn't too long before Kravitz gets roped in too as a pair of fuzzy purple socks hitting him square in the chest. Taako refuses to make eye contact, but judging by the way he doesn't protest more than usual when Kravitz sneaks past him and dumps the basket of re-collected socks over his head, that must have been part of the plan too. Whatever the hell plan it was. That's the thing with Taako—often things that seem spontaneous are really carefully planned, their meaning and significance obscured by persona.

In the middle of the Great Laundry War of This Weekend, planning and ceremony and all that fall away. The significance, though, never does.

**IV.**

"Okay, I know you have fireworks on this backwards plane," Taako says, "so how come you don't have Summereve, huh?"

"I still don't know what that means," Kravitz says, but he spreads out the picnic blanket on the roof of the library anyway.

All seven birds are crowded onto the flat surface of the Neverwinter University Library, plus Kravitz, Angus, and Merle's kids. Technically this is a crime, but the laws have become much more lax for these seven since they saved the world, and besides, there's no one there to stop them in the cool spring night.

They've all brought snacks and blankets and plenty of wine, and somehow Merle has managed to procure an alarming amount of sparklers. There aren't any fireworks, no matter how loud Magnus has lamented its not being the same, but they've all gathered to celebrate the dead holiday of their home plane. They've been doing a lot of that, lately.

"There were two eclipses every year back home," Merle says sagely from the other end of the roof. He's leaned back in a lawn chair, smoking the world's weirdest looking pipe that Davenport keeps repeatedly taking away. "Spring and fall, usually one for each sun. If you got both at once, it was gonna be a good year."

"I guess that's it, then." Kravitz sits down only to find Taako immediately sprawled all over him. "Regular number of suns, regular number of holidays."

Taako pinches him, but only a little.

"Actually," Angus says as he sets a massive picnic basket on one corner of the blanket, "historically, there was a similar celebration on Faerun. The Summermas Season was a three day celebration of various gods, sort of like the opposite of Candlenights! People would put on colorful light displays, take part in boat races, and dress up in costumes."

He starts digging through the basket, which is largely full of cakes and cookies and things consisting mostly of sugar. Taako had gone overboard (with Angus and Magnus's frequent encouragement) and although the rest have contributed fruit and such, there's still a fair number of sparkling pastel baked goods being passed around.

"My favorite tradition," Angus says after he swallows his bite of cookie, "is that when an eclipse _did_ coincide with the holiday, people banged on pots and pans to chase the moon away!"

"Yes!" Taako bolts upright and yells over his shoulder across the roof. "Fuck you, Lulu, I told you that shit was real!"

"I never said it wasn't!" Lup says as her head arises and she summits the ladder again with the last basket. "In fact, if I remember correctly, I'm the only person who ever believed you,  _Koko_."

"Wait, you guys really didn't make that up just to fuck with me?" Magnus asks. No one answers him.

"Alright, Dangus," Taako leans conspiratorially over to the boy, "you and me are gonna have to improvise this shit, but we'll make it happen."

After Lup and Davenport do their best to give them a makeshift fireworks show, Mookie throwing sparklers off the roof trying to help, the moment Davenport's watch says it's struck midnight Taako and Angus are banging on tin cups with spoons and yelling at the tops of their lungs for the moon to fuck off regardless.

**V.**

Despite Kravitz's loud protestations that this is surely in some way illegal, and definitely seriously dangerous, Taako and Angus are still going through with their plan.

"They did it in Lucas's plane of plagiarism, it'll be fine," Taako promises as Angus clambers into the contraption. It's a set of wheels with a pedal and chain to power it, what Taako called a bicycle, and on the back is a long spindle leading up to a giant fan.

Supposedly it's going to fly (with the help of a little levitation magic in the propellers) but Kravitz is less worried about that than he is the fact that Angus is going to drive it right off a cliff.

"I've done the math, sir," Angus chimes in, strapping on his helmet, "and Taako's right, this will work. Besides, I know he'll save me if anything goes wrong!"

Taako rolls his eyes but surprisingly doesn't protest otherwise. "I'm mostly in it for the patent, pumpkin. Gotta show up that nerdlord somehow. After this we're doing laundry machines."

Kravitz wasn't surprised at the motivation at least. The whole invention process had started right after the scores for the semester had come out at each school, the School of the Arcane Sciences's averages being noticeably higher. Taako was hellbent on winning whatever popularity contest he thought he was in with Lucas Miller, Angus his willing assistant looking for something to do over the break, and between the two of them there was no doubt this would be the outcome.

"And besides, it's all his fault, you know." Taako gestures not so subtly over his shoulder at Angus, who is most definitely listening in. "If it weren't for boy wonder over there being a goddamn traitor, _we_ would've been the one with the outlier top score."

"I'm still not entirely sure what you're trying to accomplish," Kravitz says, but before Taako can launch back into his "glory and honor" speech, Angus is interrupting him with something about physics.

Soon they're shouting technical nonsense back and forth at each other that apparently they both understand, arcane sciences and regular sciences and who was responsible for figuring out the weight distribution and yeah, duh, of course I made sure the chain was on right, lemme just go tie my shoe conveniently in front of it real quick.

When it becomes apparent they'll be at it for a while, Kravitz heads back to the wagon, leaving them to it in favor of making sure they brought along enough bandages. One really can never be too prepared.

**VI.**

Kravitz is home alone in the blissfully cool airs of an empty house. Despite the fact that it's summer, Angus is away on a special internship at the University of Neverwinter and Taako is in the middle of a book tour, leaving Kravitz with an entire house to himself. It feels strange to be coming home to an empty house, stranger than it should be after just a few months of the opposite, but after a little while Kravitz gets used to it.

It isn't like before, though, astonishingly enough. Somehow being alone now isn't like it was before. Now Kravitz comes home at the end of the day, even when he has paperwork to do, instead of just staring in the Astral Plane until the next bounty comes in. The little things of being alive have rubbed off on him—he still eats even though he doesn't have to, he still washes his clothes even though he can just manifest them clean at will. Hell, Kravitz even tries actually making dinner, once or twice, before stopping for fear that Taako will somehow be able to know how many times he fucked up just boiling water. It's a more peaceful quiet than Kravitz is used to, more content, and it's not at all a change for the worse.

Some time to himself is appreciate though. There's no enchanted contraptions setting the laundry on fire or bizarre punishments for unspoken rules about when to open the mail. He starts seeing the holes in his life where he's grown around other people and their habits and quirks too, but even that feels nice in its own odd way.

The fact is Kravitz settles into the solitude quite easily. It's not like any of those "movies" Taako is always recounting to him where the protagonist gets left alone and eats all the food they're not allowed to and walks around in their underwear the whole time, but Kravitz does start to take a few liberties. He portals from room to room just because he can, he folds the laundry when and how he wishes, and, yes, he finishes off the last of Taako's secret store of special occasion cookies.

Even a few of his old habits from his life before resurface, like the teleporting, but there's one he hadn't really noticed he'd taken up again until Taako and Angus arrive home early.

"Hello!"

Kravitz hears the door slamming shut and the rustling of bags and stops his whistling, but he doesn't stop washing the dishes. Despite his protesting otherwise, Taako gets this surprised but also very pleased look on his face every time he catches Kravitz doing chores or anything at all domestic. To be honest it's really sweet, and it always somehow makes Kravitz's undead heart skip a not-fully-metaphorical beat, so he'll take any opportunity to see it again. And besides, he can't find a towel to dry his hands with.

The clattering of feet and teasing comes to such a sudden and complete stop right before it reaches them, though, that Kravitz does finally turn.

"Sir, what...?" Angus clutches the bag of groceries in his arms tighter as Taako raises an eyebrow.

"Hey Krav? Babe? What the hell is this."

For the first time in the past few hours, Kravitz looks around the room, wondering what the hell it is that's thrown them off, and is greeted by just an insane amount of ravens. They're lining the windowsill and flitting around in the gardens, yes, but some of them have taken the open window as a sign to come in, landing on the table and counters nearby.

The longer no one says anything, the more self-conscious Kravitz becomes. One of the ravens is pecking in the direction of the clean silverware as another takes a rag in its beak and starts trying to dry a plate, their collective occasional chattering the only sound in the entire house.

"Bird boy indeed, huh," Taako says faintly after a minute.

Kravitz starts stammering and the two of them glance at each other before quickly bursting into giggles.

"How did you do this?!"

Angus all but skips over to the table to set down his cargo and reaches a tentative hand out to the nearest bird. It chirps and tilts its head at the gesture before tipping forward to bump Angus's fingers.

"I..." Kravitz knows he would be blushing if he could. "I suppose I was whistling while I worked. If I'm not paying attention, this... tends to happen."

As Angus starts asking if they're all regular birds because some of them have black eyes and some have purple and isn't that strange, Taako takes a flirty lean against the counter right next to Kravitz.

"Still got some of that good boy music magic in your bones, huh, bones?"

"Technically my bones are all magic," Kravitz replies. He doesn't even flinch when Taako flicks soap bubbles in his face.

Unfortunately, some of the ravens do, and the flurry of feathers and bubbles and newly ignited sparks of magic fills the kitchen. It is, after all, just an ordinary morning.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to the kind fellows of the taz fic writers discord, whose nonsense inspired this and who are generally terribly wonderful and wonderfully supportive people. also thank to the candle wasters, as i stole the punishment in section three from [lovely little losers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FsXjDIHx18), the world's greatest web series
> 
> anyway! i'm entering taz mode again—it's been about a year now but i think i'm ready to revisit faerun lol. but i'm working on a little mystery! it's technically a sequel to the 20s ghost detectives au and i'm terribly excited about it, so you can subscribe to the series if you want an email about it. also your comments and kudos are always very lovely and very appreciated
> 
> tumblr @[lamphous](http://lamphous.tumblr.com)  
> ko-fi @[mildlydiscouraging](https://ko-fi.com/mildlydiscouraging)


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